This is reality 5% of the time.
Asher and Kai were almost immediately best friends. It hasn't been the case this time around. She often sees him as competition to care from mom and dad. She feels deeply in some moments that he is a threat to her well being. This is some of what trauma does. Childhood trauma often produces anxiety, fear based responses, difficulty with self regulation, problems relating with others, challenges with attachment and depression or deep sadness. Learned responses to trauma, neglect, hunger, fear and unmet needs aren't forgotten in a moment. When there's not always food for every child you live with, when you have to cry louder than all of the other children to get the attention (even if it's negative) of the adults in the room, when you live hungry and don't know love from hurt, your journey to healing isn't straight forward. But the journey to healing comes through family. It comes through connection. These moments and days are trying, most often I feel unprepared to manage it, ill equipped to walk us through it all. I don't do it well, most days, but beauty is growing.