Grief + Joy
There is someone I don’t know who has shaped my life. She is deeply connected to me. She is close to my heart. She created a deep tenderness within me. She cultivated deep compassion in my heart. She confronted my privileged, middle-class worldview. She did all of this without ever seeing me. She has no idea I exist and never will. She will never know the depth of our connection.
We share the deepest bond, the sacred privilege of being mothers to the same child.
As I grow older, I believe more and more that the more simple we believe something to be, the less we really understand. There are things in life that are black and white, clearly right, clearly wrong. Though not most things. Perhaps we would be wise to be slower to think we understand, slower to believe we know it all. There are complexities to peoples’ lives and stories we will never see clearly.
These first moms of my children did this for me. They opened my eyes. They showed me that my understanding of the world and love was really narrow.
We will never know why they made the decisions (if the decision was theirs to make) they did for their children. But I do know they suffered. I do know they lacked resources, support and opportunity. I do know they left their children to be found. I do know that they are made in the image of God. I do know that they made decisions they thought were right or necessary.
It is possible to be grieved and have deep compassion. It is possible to be grateful that God brought our children to us while feeling deep sorrow at all they have lost. It is possible to be totally broken by the poverty and lack and darkness in many places and be thankful for the resources God has provided our family to care for these children. It is good to hold both sorrow and joy, embrace both gratitude and loss. That’s life in a broken world.
I pray that God would comfort them supernaturally when they think of their children. I pray that they would be safe and protected. I pray that God would cause them to believe the Gospel. I pray that they might receive eternal comfort in Heaven, that they might see their children again.