How Do You Know?

Today, I was driving in the van with Charlie and Kai. We were singing and Kai was laughing with Charlie, when all of a sudden, Kai got quiet and said, “Mommy, how did you know how to pick the right baby in China?” These questions are so precious to me and equally heartbreaking. He’s trying to make sense of his little world and he trusts me enough to ask. Why did we pick him? Why didn’t he live in China forever? Why do some babies live in China forever? I never quite feel prepared for these questions. I stumbled my way through, making much of God’s love for him and our joy and gratitude that God gave him to us forever!

We talked about his Chinese name, his name on the waiting child list when we first saw him, Tyson. He giggled and said he’s so glad his name is Kai now. Kai is amazing, he’s attached to us deeply and yet these questions and struggles live in his little heart. Even when adoption looks perfect from the outside and is equal parts beautiful and hard on the inside, there’s still brokenness throughout.

We purposefully welcomed brokenness into our family through adoption and we hope to do it again. Not because we’re good people. Not because we have extraordinary love to give. But because I have way more brokenness and sin in my own heart and Jesus took it all to make me His.