I have read Kai's paperwork many times. This time, as I read his report, July 4th, 2014 jumped off the page at me. I immediately recalled where we were on this date. We were visiting my brother. During this weekend, conversation filled the days. Sweet little boys played together. Laughter echoed through the house and squeals of excitement flowed outside. Love. Connection. Fullness.
On this same day, there was a little 9 month old boy halfway around the world who lost everything. One moment, he was held by someone familiar. He knew the voices and faces that were around him. The next moment, he was sitting alone in a small box. His life would never be the same. The echoes of his cry would only be heard by the walls around him. With the intense July heat surrounding him, he waited to be heard, to be noticed, to be held. Powerless. Hopeless. Abandoned.
The same God who was present in our joy was just as near to our precious Kai in his sorrow and fear. We knew God's presence as we delighted in relationships. God's presence was just as close to Kai, all alone in the dropbox. God's nearness knows no bounds. His love for His children and His love for the Fatherless are limitless.
Since July 4, 2014, our lives have been on very different journeys. Kai has been on a journey filled with lots of waiting, friends at the orphanage who have come and gone, sweet care from staff at the orphanage, not knowing what a family is, unaware of the deep love he lacks. Our journey has been filled with heartache and broken dreams, learning that we may be unable to have more biological children, unsure of what God could be doing. We have had moments of deep and strong trust and moments of uncertainty and fear. The last few months of our journey have been filled with longing for Kai, waiting and hoping for the day we would be together. We know what he lacks and are so eager to love him well.
In just about 3 weeks, we will see him face to face. Our journeys will soon become one. He will know the freedom and love of a forever family. He will know the deep love of Jesus. So often when I think about Kai, I can't help but think of my own position before the Lord. I have been frequently listening to the song, Majesty.
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine, Since You laid down Your life, The greatest sacrifice.
Majesty, Majesty. Your grace has found me just as I am, Empty handed but alive in your hands. Singing Majesty, Majesty. Forever I am changed by Your love, in the presence of Your Majesty. Majesty.
When we meet Kai for the first time, he will be empty handed. He will come to us with nothing. He has nothing to give us. Yet he will gain everything. He will forever be changed by our love. When I think about myself, the comparison is striking. I am truly empty handed, just like Kai, but even more desperate, unable to find true spiritual life without God. If I'm completely honest, I am quick to think I have things to offer God. The reality is that my position before God is no different than Kai when he was sitting alone in the dropbox. I have nothing to offer God. I am desperate for Him and for His love. He has given me the greatest and deepest love of all. Kai is a precious reminder of my position before the Lord and the incredibly deep love of God. When our journeys collide, we will know even more the greatness of God's nearness to us, the incredible depth of His love.
Are you aware of just how empty handed you are? When we realize our desperate need, we know even more the incredible depth of God's love. Do you know God's nearness today? Do you know the magnitude of His love for you? Lean into Him. Ask Him to show you the depth of your need and the incredible majesty of His presence and nearness. Ask Him to change you by His love. He will do it. He is faithful.