Irritating

We finally got the letter we had been waiting for. We checked the mail with excitement every day for weeks, waiting for our final document from U.S. Immigration. All of a sudden, we were scrambling to find childcare so I could drive the next morning to Harrisburg to get our State Seals. That morning, we had a few hiccups with last minute documents that resulted in some additional stops along the way. As I was driving to Harrisburg, a shadow of irritability was cast over my heart. Why all of this work? Why all of this money? Why all of this struggle?

As I was grumbling in my heart, God reminded me of His son. Hebrews 12:2 says this of Jesus, "For the joy set before him he endured the cross, despising its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Jesus died on the cross to accomplish my adoption. The process of my adoption required incredible shame. He endured the weight of the entire world's sin and shame. He died the most shameful death. He endured separation from God. He did all of this so that I could be adopted as a child of God. 

Jesus despised the shame.  He disregarded the shame. Not because the shame was not shameful. Not because the pain he had to endure was not painful. He disregarded the shame because the joy of what He was accomplishing was so much greater. 

John Piper says:

It means Jesus spoke to shame like this:

“Listen to me, Shame, do you see that joy in front of me? Compared to that, you are less than nothing. You are not worth comparing to that! I despise you. You think you have power. Compared to the joy before me, you have none. Joy. Joy. Joy. That is my power! Not you, Shame. You are worthless. You are powerless.

You think you can distract me. I won’t even look at you. I have a joy set before me. Why would I look at you? You are ugly and despicable. And you are almost finished. You cover me now as with a shroud. Before you can say, ‘So there!’ I will throw you off like a filthy rag. I will put on my royal robe.

You think you are great, because even last night you made my disciples run away. You are a fool, Shame. You are a despicable fool. That abandonment, that loneliness, this cross — these tools of yours — they are all my sacred suffering, and will save my disciples, not destroy them. You are a fool. Your filthy hands fulfill holy prophecy. Farewell, Shame. It is finished.”

I am so grateful for a Savior who suffered perfectly and adopted perfecly. His perfect example inspires me to think differently about our adoption of Kai. Even greater, it calls me to rest when I feel irritated. I cannot do any of this perfectly. I don't have to. Jesus already did.