Not For a Moment

|| You were reaching through the storm and walking on the water.  Even when I could not see. In the middle of it all, when I thought you were a thousand miles away, not for a moment, did you forsake me.  After all, You are constant. After all, You are only good. After all, You are sovereign. Not for a moment, did you forsake me.  || M. Andrews

When I first heard this song, I loved the message.  God hasn't forgotten me for a moment. I know that. My theology says that God will never leave me. In moments of brokenness and heartache, my thoughts and emotions don't always live as though this is true. In times of suffering and sorrow or feeling defeated by the same sin, I am quick to think God has left me alone.

I focus on all of my failures, rather than His never-ending, unfailing faithfulness to me. The reality of my theology in these moments is that my works and failures dictate God's closeness to me. In other times of sadness and loss, I look at my experiences and am convinced that God must have left me alone.  The reality of my theology in these moments is that if God is with me, He wouldn't allow loss and sorrow. 

I would never really want to say this, but I don't always believe that God has never left me. Sometimes it feels like I'm all alone. There are moments when I fail in the same way for the millionth time and I am convinced God wouldn't stay with me. There are days when loss is all I feel and I start to wonder if God is with me or if He is for me. In these moments, I preach the truth of the Gospel to my heart. I rely on scripture and songs like this to point out what truth really is. My flesh is weak. I am desperate for truth. I need to meditate on these truths. You are constant, sovereign and only good. I desperately need to believe this.

I experience life through a different lens when I truly believe that God has never left me. My failure, loss and sorrow seem different in light of that truth. When I think of our Child in China, whoever he or she might be, I have less anxiety remembering that God has not left this orphan. Not. For. A. Moment.