Remember
A few weeks ago, Paul and I the opportunity to spend a couple days away in Pittsburgh. The city where we met holds so many great memories. Our first date, Steelers and Pirates games, river walks, conversations over coffee, graduating from grad school, engagement, wedding and our first year of marriage. So much happened here. We love to revisit favorite spots and make new memories.
This visit was particularly special. A lot has happened in the past year. We have been on an incredible adoption journey and navigating a new role at Calvary. These two changes have brought great joy, excitement, stress and busyness. These days gave us time to relax, connect, talk and pray about these big upcoming months. We shared our anxieties and hopes for all of the newness that will soon be our reality.
Friday morning, we went to a lookout spot we had never been to before. As we stood there on a sunny morning with a beautiful blue sky framing our favorite city, a different kind of memory began to flood my mind. I remembered some of the challenges I faced here. I saw the church I went to when I first moved to Pittsburgh. I recalled the strength it took to walk through the doors of this large church, newly single, not knowing anyone. I saw the bridge I would walk almost weekly, spending time in prayer and personal worship. I thought back on how lonely I often felt. I saw where I went to grad school and I remembered how insecure and unsure of myself I was, often questioning if I had made the right decision to move here. I saw the spot Paul and I had some of our first conversations. I reflected on the courage it took to share some of my sin, suffering and struggles of the past. I saw some of the trails Paul and I walked in the early months of our marriage. I could feel the sadness I felt, so often feeling I was failing in my new role as a wife.
All of a sudden, the memories stopped and it hit me, God has been so incredibly faithful. He has brought me through a lot of ordinary moments, great times and many dark days. I have tasted and seen His goodness to me. I am quick to forget the ways He has been so near. Sometimes the seemingly unremarkable, non dramatic, quiet ways that God gives me His presence easily pass from my memory. As I stood in the silence, I remembered the miraculous seasons and quiet moments that God had been so faithful, so incredibly faithful. As that filled my mind, it was as though I heard Him say, "Do you see how faithful I have been to you? You have absolutely no reason to fear that my faithfulness will end. I will never leave you. You will come through this too."
