We cannot wait to see Kai face to face. As the time draws nearer, I find myself thinking so much about him-- wondering about his story. This little boy has lived in brokeness as an orphan for two years. Why couldn't your family keep you? What did your parents feel when they dropped you off and saw you for the last time? What did you feel at 9 months old, dropped off at an orphanage, no familiar face to behold? What did you go through in the hospital? What was brain surgery like? What feelings did you have? How did you survive? What is it like to live in an orphanage with hundreds of kids? What is it like to lose your parents? What is it like to cry without anyone to comfort you?
These questions weigh heavy on my heart some days. Most of these questions, I know will forever be unanswered. One day, Kai will probably bring these questions to us. We won't have any answers to give him. There are no answers that will take away the pain. We will hold him and love him, comfort him and help him grieve.
There's no easy way around loss. We must walk through it. Loss looks different for all of us. Crumbled dreams, dashed hopes, death of loved ones, miscarriage, broken relationships, ruined careers, infertility, bankrupcy, aging. We all experience loss and as soon as we do, we often wish it would just be over. Loss throws us onto a journey of grief-- a journey most of us would rather avoid. God wants us to grieve with Him. He doesn't want us to cry and grieve and then turn to him and pray, "Help me in my grief." He calls us to bring the messy sorrow and heaviness to Him. He wants us to cry in His arms, share our questions and sadness directly with him.
I have found deep comfort in Psalm 56 lately, especially as I think of Kai, the millions of orphans that need families and the broken and hurting all around me.. Psalm 56:8 says that God collects every one of our tears. He keeps track of all of our sorrows. He is so near to us, so intimately close to us that he knows every tear. every. single. tear.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
Our Savior is a man of sorrows, rejected, acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). He knows what it is to suffer. He chose to take on all of the world's sin, sorrow, and grief. He suffered the deepest loss-- death and separation from God-- so that we could have life. And here's the best news: we never grieve without Hope.
We take time on this Good Friday to remember Jesus' death. We remember that he took on loss and the ultimate death so we could have life. And because of His resurrection, we have incredible Hope. No sorrow will overcome us. Death is not victorious. No loss has the final word.
Will you bring your brokeness and sorrow to him? He wants to comfort us and to be near to us. He knows every tear that we cry. He counts every tear of the one who has no one to comfort them. He has overcome loss and death and brokeness. He is near to Kai. He is near to the orphan that will never have a home. He is near to you. He is near to me. Will you rest in His nearness?