To My Baby
We have never been closer to you than we are at this moment. You have been in our hearts for the past nine months. We have held your pictures close, counting the days until we would finally meet you. We have conquered what has felt like insurmountable obstacles throughout this process. It is hard to believe that this moment is finally here! You were once our baby on the other side of the world but now just a few miles away from us.
You, precious child, may not even know who we are or what is about to happen tomorrow. You may not know that today is your very last day in the only home you have ever known. You may not understand what is happening. But one day you will.
Those who have cared for you have loved you. But now you will have a family-- people who will always be there, loving you fiercely and constantly. It may feel painful to lose the only things you know. It may feel scary to leave your only home with two foreign looking people who speak a language you have never heard. These days may not be easy for you, baby boy. It is okay. I understand. I will be here day and night. I will hold you if you allow me. I will sit near you as you grieve, if that’s what you need. I will give all that I can to help you know that we are your family. You are loved more than you know and nothing you could ever do or say or feel will ever change that.
Before any of us existed, God chose you, precious boy, to be in our family. We did not just choose a child to adopt and love. No, God predestined you to be our son. It is no mistake that you are in an orphanage in Jinan. It is no coincidence that we desired to adopt and you were made available to us. God moved mountains to bring you to us.
I loved you before you even knew me. My love for you is not based on how you act or who you are or grow to be. No, my love is constant and committed. Can I tell you why I love you so deeply?
I love you deeply because I have been rescued. I have been adopted too. You see, I was a person without hope. Spiritually, I was broken and alone. It was impossible for me to have a relationship with God because of my brokenness and sin. I was an orphan. But my Heavenly Father made the ultimate sacrifice so that I could be adopted into His family. He sent His son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that I could live. He was a substitute orphan for me. His death paid the penalty that I deserve. His death removed my sin and shame and brokenness far away. Because of His death and resurrection, I now have spiritual life. I have a Heavenly Father who loves me because of who He is. He does not love me more or less based on how well I perform. No, His love for me never ends. It never runs out.
In a few hours, I will see you for the very first time. I will finally touch your precious face. At that moment, your life will change forever. I want you to know that everything will be okay. You can cry. You can grieve. You can laugh. You can play. You can turn away from us in fear. You can turn to us for comfort. Whatever you may do, you are loved. You are precious. You are home.
How do I know everything will be okay? Everything will be okay because Hope wins. We have a God who sees us, a God who is near. He is working every single part of this out for His glory and for our good. Hope always wins, precious boy. It always wins. That’s why we have named you Kai. In Chinese, Kai means victory. You are an incredible reminder to us that Hope always wins.
You are deeply loved by many. Your Heavenly Father loves you with an even fiercer love than you will know in our arms. In mere moments, you will finally be home. You will forever be home.
Your Forever Mama