Adoption can be a crash course in waiting! You do everything in your power to do all of the things in your power. Paperwork, fundraising, grant writing, phone calls, document collection. The rush to complete is met with the silence of the wait. The silence of the wait is often filled with the noise of anxiety, doubt and questions. There is something about the silence of the wait that quickly can lead to a wandering heart. Why is my heart so prone to wander when my control-- which really is just an illusion anyway-- falls away?
When I am not distracted by long lists of things to do, the true belief in my heart is revealed. While I know God can be trusted, my wandering heart says I could do things better. While I know God is good, my wandering heart says I know what is best. While I know God holds all things, my wandering heart says earthly resources would solve our problems. While I know God is near, my wandering heart says that maybe God isn't as close in everything that's happening.
The waiting is a blessing. It reveals my heart that is prone to wander. It shows me my need for the Gospel. It tells me that my understanding of who God is needs to be reoriented. The waiting is hard, but God is working in the waiting.
On the other side of this season of waiting, I will know God more deeply, we will be holding our baby in our arms, we will see God's nearness and power more clearly, we will have a beautiful glimpse of just how good God is. But in the waiting, God is still working.
I love this quote from one of my favorite authors, Ruth Chou Simons "You don't have to be blooming to be growing."
In the seasons of waiting, there may not be blooms, but there certainly is beautiful growth.