When it Doesn't Feel True
This is a forgettable photo. Except I remember the joy I had when I took it. It was the day we received our first referral. My heart was bursting. I couldn’t wait to tell them. But in just a few short days, we received medical reports that crushed our dream. We searched for doctors who would tell us a different story. We had to make the decision to walk away. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. I still think about it most weeks.
Now here we are in the middle of a pandemic. 83,000 new COVID cases in India today. Our case stuck somewhere in court with no end in sight, no hope of travel on the horizon, our daughter growing older in an institution in a third world country.
I don’t say this looking for reminders that God’s timing is perfect or that the first match wasn’t God’s plan and our daughter is meant to be ours. I know all of that. None of that lessens this awful ache in my heart. And yet hope still wins. I’m preaching this gospel to myself because it just doesn’t feel true. I keep reminding myself that just because it doesn’t feel true does not mean it’s not true. Hope wins. Hope Still Wins.